And gargle heavily With Listerine
It's time for Max
To put his back ers on their backs
And thrill them with amazing acts
Those aging nymphomaniacs
They were helpless They were hopeless
Then along came Bialy
They were joyless They were boy-less
Then along came Bialy
They're my angels I'm their devil
And I k eep those embers aglow
When I woos 'em I can't lose 'em
'Cause I cast my spell And they start yellin'
"Fire down below!"
So romantic They were frantic
Then their prayers were heard Up above
Heaven sent them
Their Bialy
I'm the celebration of love
Who is it? Who is it?
It's Max Bialystock.
Maxy.
Fire down below!
We were listing We were sinking
Then along came Bialy
We were desperate We were drinking
- Then along came Bialy - Who's your daddy?
So romantic We were frantic
Then our prayers were heard Up above
It's Bialy
Hey, Bialy
He's the culmination
The restoration
The consummation
The titillation
Ejaculation
He's the celebration of love
Thank you.
Bloom! Bloom!
What, Max? What?
I've done it. I've done it, I've raised the 2 million.
Now all we have to do is put on the biggest flop in history.
That's great!
We can't miss
I gotta make the next payment on the theatre by 3:00 or else...
Sorry, wrong office.
Bialystock. Bloom.
Max. Leo.
- Ulla? - Ulla?
What happened to the office?
Like you tell Ulla, "tidy up."
Tidy "oop"?
How did you find the time to do all this?
- I skip lunch. - Of course you did.
- Very nice. - She skipped lunch.
Almost 3. That payment to the Shuberts.
I'll get the cash from the safe.
You make sure all those contracts are signed.
Yes, Max.
She painted over the numbers.
Hello, boys.
Nobody knows what I went through to get you.
Ulla knows.
You had to shtupp every little old lady in New York.
That's right. That's right.
And I've still got the denture bites to prove it.
Work, work, work. Work, work, work.
So, Mr. Bloom.
We are all alone.
Yes, we are, aren't we?
Why Bloom go so far camera right?
Bloom no like Ulla?
Ulla like Bloom.
Bloom like Ulla, all right.
- Maybe a little too much. - Good.
I'm glad.
Why Bloom need blue blanket?
Oh, it's not important.
It's just a minor compulsion. It's that I've...
I've had it ever since I was a baby, and I...
You're a little too close.
The urge to merge Can rob us of our senses
The need to breed Can make a man a drone
We must be on alert With our defences
For every skirt will test
Testosterone
So knowing this I severed all connection
With any creature Sporting silk or lace
I was firmly headed In the right direction
When suddenly I stumbled on
That face
That dangerous face
I mustn't be unwise
Those lips That nose
Those eyes
Could lead to my demise
That face That face
That marvellous face
I never should begin
Those cheeks That neck
That chin
Will surely do me in
I must be smart And hide my heart
If she's within a mile
If I don't duck I'm out of luck
She'd kill me with her smile
That face That face
That fabulous face
It's clear I must beware
I'm certain if I fall in love
I'm lost without a trace
But it's worth it
For that face
Bloom help Ulla down?
All right. Bloom help Ulla down.
That face
That lovable face
It melts my Swedish heart
I'm certain if I fall in love
I'm lost without a trace
But it's worth it
For that face
Again! Arabesque, prepare...
...pirouette and twirl.
And goose step, goose step...
...waltz-clog and kick. Again!
Arabesque, prepare, pirouette and twirl.
And goose step, goose step, waltz-clog and kick! Again!
Arabesque, prepare, pirouette!
- Halt! - Halt.
- Halt! - Halt!
- This is bedlam! Bedlam! - This is bedlam! Bedlam!
Shut up!
We must have some order here.
Will all the dancing Hitlers please wait off-stage right...
...and all the singing Hitlers off-stage left.
Get that way.
Carmen, call in a singing Hitler, please.
Yes, darling... Roger.
"Jacques LaPidus."
"Jack Lapidus."
Well, Jack, what are you going to sing for us?
I would like to sing "A Wandering Minstrel I."
If you must.
A wandering minstrel I
A thing of shreds and
- Thank you! - Patches
Next, please.
" Donald Dinsmore."
Well, Donald, if we...
Well, Donald, l...
- Hi, how are you? - That's all right, Donald.
Hello. Yes.
Now, what are you going to sing for us, friend?
I'd like to sing "The Little Wooden Boy."
Thank you.
Next!
"Jason Green."
Well, Jason, what have you been up to lately?
For the last 16 years, I have been touring in No No Nietzsche.
- You played Nietzsche? - No, no.
What are you gonna sing for us?
" Have You Ever Heard the German Band?"
- No. - That is the name of the song...
...I am going to sing.
Play it, please.
Speed it up.
Haben Sie gehört Das deutsche Band?
Mit a bang
Mit a boom
Mit a bing-bang bing-bang boom
Oh, haben Sie gehört...
Halt! Halt!
Halt! No, no, no.
This man could never play Adolf Hitler.
The Führer wasn't a mousy little mama's boy.
The Führer was butch!
And that is not how you sing...
..." Haben Sie gehört das deutsche Band?"
This is how you sing " Haben Sie gehört das deutsche Band?"
B-flat. Two-two time!
Modulate at the bridge!
Haben Sie gehört Das deutsche Band?
Mit a bang Mit a boom
Mit a bing-bang bing-bang boom
Oh, haben Sie gehört Das deutsche Band?
Mit a bang Mit a boom
Mit a bing-bang bing-bang boom
Russian folk songs Und French ooh-la-la
Can't compare With the German oom-pah-pah
We're saying
Haben Sie gehört Das deutsche Band?
Mit a zetz Mit a zap
Mit a zing
Polish polkas They're stupid und they're rotten
It don't mean a thing If it ain't got that
Schweigen-reigen-schone- Schutzen-schmutzen Sauerbraten
Key change!
We're saying
Haben Sie gehört Das deutsche Band?
Mit a zetz Mit a zap
Mit a zing
It's the only kind of music
That we Hans und our honeys Love to sing
That's our Hitler!
Have your tickets ready. Have your tickets ready.
This way, please. This way, please.
Take your seats.
Good evening, sir. Nice to see you.
- Enjoy the show. - Thank you.
- Oh, Mr. Bloom. - Oh, Mr. Bloom.
- You look so handsome. - Thank you.
Leo!
Leo, who said you could wear that hat?
Nobody, Max. But I thought now that I'm the producer of a Broadway show...
- Has the curtain gone up yet? - No.
- Has the curtain come down yet? - No.
Then you're not a producer yet. Give me that hat.
Mr. Bloom! Leo.
Your tie is all askew.
Askew. Oh, thank you, Ulla.
Have a good show.
Roll them in the aisles.
Okey- dokey.
I will try to.
But there's just so many of them.
Gee, I thought we were partners, sharing everything 50-50.
Now I'm out in the cold, and you two are busy askewing each other.
Askewing? Never, Max.
Hugs and kisses, yes, but that's as far as I go.
Gunter, you will pick me up back here right after the curtain.
Oh, God, will they love us? Will they hate us?
The suspense is killing me.
I know. I feel like I'm going into labour.
Messrs. Bialystock and Bloom. Well, gentlemen, merde.
And I just wanna wish everybody good luck.
- What? What did you say? - Bite your tongue.
Well, what's the matter? All I said was "good luck."
- He said it again. - Hasn't anyone ever told you?
It's bad luck to say "good luck" On opening night
If you do I tell you
It is certain by the curtain You are through
Good luck.
It's bad luck to say "good luck" On opening night
Once it's said You are dead
You will get the worst reviews You ever read
Good luck.
Even at the Comédie Française
On the opening night They are scared
"Bonne chance, mes amis" No one says
- The only word you'll ever hear is - Merde
Good luck, good luck, good luck.
It's verboten Wishing luck on opening night
Take advice Don't think twice
Or your show will surely end up In the Scheiss
At the famous La Scala in Milan
On opening night it's a rule
"Al bocca lupo," they say with élan
And just for luck they all shout
- "Vaffanculo" - I got it
Now I'll never say "good luck" On opening night
That's the rule I'm no fool
What do I say, I beg?
What you say is "break a leg"
- Break a leg? - Yeah.
- Break a leg. - Break a leg.
If you're clever
Good luck.
You'll endeav our
To never, never, never, never Ever, ever, ever say
On opening night
Five minutes to curtain. Curtain going up in five minutes.
I'm late. I must run!
- Break a leg! - Break a leg!
Franz, what happened?
I broke my leg.
Now we'll have to cancel the show and give everyone their money back.
Money back?
Money back.
Don't ever say that again. Money back?
Never. We gotta think of something else.
But Franz plays Hitler, Max, and he has no understudy.
You're right. What are we gonna do? There must be a way out.
If I could only think of something. Some way. Some...
Hold it. I got it. Roger, you. You could play Hitler.
You know every line in the show.
I've seen you at rehearsal, always moving your lips along with the actors.
It's an embarrassing habit. I'm trying to break myself of it.
But me play Hitler? No! There's no way I could go on tonight.
I don't have the strength. I don't have the courage.
I can't do it! I can't do it! I can't do it!
- Wow, that hurt. - Roger.
Listen to me.
You can do it.
You know you can do it, and I know you can do it.
You've been waiting all your lifetime for this chance.
And I'm not gonna let you pass it up.
You're going out there a silly, hysterical, screaming queen.
But you're coming back a great big...
...passing-for-straight Broadway star.
All right. You're right.
I'll do it! By God, I'll do it!
I've got to get into makeup. Quick, get Franz's Hitler moustache.
And, oh! My lucky Gloria Swanson mole.
Got it!
Leo, the overture.
Let's go.
- Max. - What?
This is it!
- Good luck, Leo. - Good luck, Max.
Germany was having trouble What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader To restore its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We look ed around
And then we found
The man for you and me
And now it's
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out Here comes the master race
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Rhineland's a fine land once more
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Watch out, Europe
We're going on tour
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Look, it's springtime
Winter for Poland and France
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Springtime Springtime
Come on, Germans
Go into your dance
I was born in Düsseldorf And that is why they call me Rolf
Don't be stupid, be a smarty Come and join the Nazi Party
Well, I never! Talk about bad taste.
Come on, let's get out of here before they kill us.
The Führer is coming
- Heil Hitler - Heil Hitler
Heil Hitler
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Heil Hitler
Heil myself
Heil to me
I'm the Kraut who's out
To change our history
Heil myself Raise your hand
There's no greater dictator In the land
- Everything I do, I do for you - Yes, you do
If you're looking for a war Here's World War II
Heil myself Raise your beer
Every hotsy-totsy Nazi Stand and cheer
Hooray
Heil myself
Every hotsy-totsy Nazi
Stand and cheer
He's so cute Let's give a salute and heil
Heil myself
I love you.
I was just a paperhanger
No one more obscurer
Got a phone call from the Reichstag
Told me I was Führer
Germany was blue
Oh, what, oh, what to do?
Hitched up my pants
And conquered France
Now Deutschland's smiling through
Oh, it ain't no mystery
If it's politics or history
The thing you gotta know is
Everything is show biz
Heil myself
Watch my show
I'm the German Ethel Merman Don't you know?
We are crossing borders
The New World Order is here
Make a great big smile
Everyone "Sieg Heil" to me
Wonderful me
And now it's springtime
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
- Goose step - Goose step's the new step today
Bombs falling from the skies again
Deutschland is on the rise again
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
U- boats are sailing once more
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
- Means that - Soon we'll be going
- We've got to be going - You know we'll be going
You bet we'll be going
You know we'll be going
To war
Roger!
"A satiric masterpiece."
No way out.
"A surprise smash."
No way out.
" It was shocking, outrageous, insulting...
...and I loved every minute of it."
No way out!
How could this happen?
We picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast.
Where did we go right?
" Congratulations."
- What are you doing? - I'm taking these books...
...and I'm leaving.
Don't try and stop me. I've made up my mind.
Wait. Where do you think you're going?
I'm turning myself in. It's the only way.
I'm going to play ball with the IRS.
I'm going to cooperate with the authorities.
They'll reduce my sentence, there's time off for good behaviour.
Maybe I'll get a job in the prison library.
Please keep in touch. It's been very nice working with you.
Leo. Leo. Leo.
Frightened Leo. Nervous Leo, relax.
Take it easy, all right?
You're overwrought. You don't know what you're doing.
You're acting out of panic.
Give me those frigging books! Give me!
- Give me! Give me! Give me! - I never should've listened to you.
I was an honest man before I met you.
An honest man? You were an honest mouse!
- Give me. Give me. - How I hate you!
Double! Double! Double!
Fat! Fat!
I'm not that fat.
Fat!
Fatty!
Fatso! You fat, fat, fatty, fatty, fat walrus.
Give me the fat books!
- Never, never! - Fat, fat, fatty, fat!
- Oh, Jesus! - Give them to me!
Give me the books!
- Congratulations! - Congratulations!
- Give it to me! Give it to me! - No! No!
Now, that's what I call celebrating.
You. You lousy fruit.
- You ruined me. - You ungrateful breeder.
After he stepped in and saved your little show, I cannot... My chains!
- Leave him alone! - My Italian chains! My chains!
You have broken the Siegfried Oath.
You must die. You all must die!
What are you doing, you neo- Nazi nitwit?
- Your show's a hit. - Who cares?
You made a fool out of Hitler.
- He didn't need our help. - He didn't need our help.
Stand still! How can I shoot you if you keep moving?
Get back here!
Under the desk! Under the desk!
- Darling, quick, back in the closet. - Okay.
This is no good.
I'm not killing anybody.
You must cooperate!
All right, Bialystock und Bloom.
Now I got you.
Say your prayers!
Remember I'd tell you when we're in too deep?
- Yeah? - We're in too deep.
Franz, don't do it! Please, I beg you!
Oh, no, no.
You snivelling cowards!
Cringing under a desk?
Clinging to life like baby butterflies.
Franz Liebkind will show you how to die like a man!
Jammed. Boy, when things go wrong...
That's it. Next time, no author.
What are you shooting at us for anyway?
You Teutonic twit!
Wait. Wait a minute.
I just got an idea.
A way to close the show.
Franz, l...
- There, there. - Where? Where?
Franz, listen to me.
Why don't you use this where it'll do some good.
- Why don't you shoot the actors. - The actors?
Yes, the actors.
Everybody laughed at your beloved Führer tonight, and why?
Because of the actors. The actors were making fun of him.
Yeah, you're right, the actors!
Yes. Here, go, buy bullets.
- Kill. Kill all the actors. - I must kill all the actors.
Wait a minute!
What are you talking about?
What do you mean, "kill the actors"? You can't kill the actors.
Actors are not animals. They're human beings.
They are? Have you ever eaten with one?
- Here. Listen... - Open up, it's the police!
- The police! - The police!
Come on, boys.
I was never a member of the Nazi Party. I had nothing...
You, drop that gun.
- Ociffers! - What's going on here?
This crazy Kraut is crackers!
He crashed in here and crassly tried to kill us.
- Oh, Roger, what alliteration. - Thank you, darling.
Okay, youse two can go.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Tried to kill him, eh?
Officer O'Rourke, take this man in.
Next stop, Sing Sing.
Sing Sing? You'll never take me alive!
- What happened? - I broke my other leg.
All right, who are you, and why was he trying to shoot you?
I haven't the slightest idea, Sergeant O'Toole.
The name is O'Bialystock.
I was just passing by on me way to the Pat O'Brien Film Festival...
...and I ducked in to see what the hell was going on.
And now I'll be on me way, before me voice gets any higher.
As we say in the old country, "Taxi!"
Hold it!
Hey, sarge, look at this.
- What? - I found these two accounting books.
- This one says, "Show to the IRS." - And what's the other one say?
" Never show to the IRS."
I think the three of you better come downtown with me.
- Three? - Yeah, you and them two books.
Mr. Bialystock?
Mr. Bloom?
Where are you?
Everyone is waiting for you at the opening-night party.
Ulla, help me.
What happened to you?
I know.
You hung up your coat while you were still in it.
Thank you for helping me down.
What were you doing up there?
Hiding.
I was hiding.
From who? From what?
From the police.
They were just here. They've arrested Max.
- They found the books? - I don't know what to do.
Poor Max.
Maybe I should turn myself in and go to jail with him.
Well, my sweet cupcake, I know we both love Max...
...but it seems to me you have two choices.
Number one, you can go to jail with Mr. Bialystock...
...for years and years and years.
Or number two...
...you can take that 2 million dollars and Ulla, and go to Rio.
Oh, my God, what a dilemma.
Oh, what should I do?
Should I go to jail or go to Rio?
Mail call.
Hey, fatso.
I'm not that fat!
Says you.
You got a postcard.
A postcard? From where?
Brazil.
Who do I know in Brazil?
Why am I asking you?
" Dear Max, Rio is everything you said it was and more.
Ulla and I think of you every chance we get.
In the morning, when we have breakfast on our terrace...
... many different herrings.
In the afternoon, when we rub each other's sun-drenched bodies...
... with banana-cream coconut oil, number 15.
And then, in the evening, when we samba together in the moonlight."
You'll find your happiness in Rio
The beaches there Are strewn with pearls
The tropic breezes Always blow there
And so, we hear Do the girls
"Sorry, must run. Ulla's waiting.
It's almost 11.
Wish you were here.
Your pal, Leo."
Just like Cain and Abel
You pulled a sneak attack
I thought that we were brothers
Then you stabbed me in the back
Betrayed
Oh, boy, I'm so betrayed
Like Samson and Delilah Your love began to fade
I'm crying in the hoosegow You're in Rio getting laid
Betrayed
Let's face it, I'm betrayed
Boy, have I been tak en
Oy, I'm so forsak en
I should have seen What came to pass
I should have known To watch my ass
I feel like Othello Everything is lost
Leo is lago
Max is double-crossed
I'm so dismayed
Did I mention I'm betrayed?
Now I'm about to go to jail There's no one who will pay my bail
I have no one who I can cry to No one I can say goodbye to
I'm drowning!
I'm drowning here!
I'm going down for the last time.
I can see my whole life flashing before my eyes.
I see a weathered old farmhouse with a white picket fence.
I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex.
No, Rex, not on the alfalfa.
And I see my mother.
I see Mama standing on the back porch...
...in a worn but clean gingham gown.
And I hear my mama calling out to me.
Alvin!
Don't forget your chores.
The wood needs a-cording and the cows need a-milking.
Alvin! Alvin!
Wait a minute.
My name's not Alvin.
That's not my life.
Somebody else's life is flashing before my eyes.
What the hell is that about?
I'm not a hillbilly. I grew up in the Bronx.
Leo's taken everything, even my past.
My past's a dying ember
But wait, now I remember
How did it begin? He walk ed into my office
With his cockamamie scheme
You can make more money With a flop than with a hit
We can do it We can do it
I can't do it We can do it
I can't do it Goodbye, Max
Lord, I want that money I'm back, Max
Come on, Leo, we can do it
Step one, find the play
See it, smell it, touch it, kiss it Hello, Mr. Liebkind
Guten Tag hop hop Guten Tag clop clop
Adolf Elizabeth Hitler?
Guten Tag hop hop Guten Tag clop clop
Step two, hire the director Keep it gay, k eep it gay, k eep it...
Two, three, kick, Turn, turn, turn, kick, turn
Ulla
Step three, raise the money
Along came Bialy
Step four, hire all the actors
A wandering minstrel I A thing of shreds and...
Next The little wooden boy
Next That's our Hitler
Break a leg I broke my leg
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
A surprise smash Springtime for Hitler and Germany
It'll run for years! Where did we go right?
Give me those books Fat, fat, fatty
Books, fat, books, fat Books, fat, books, fat
Lousy fruit Kill the actors
You ever eat with one?
Then you ran to Rio And you're safely out of reach
I'm behind these bars
You're banging Ulla on the beach
Just like Julius Caesar
Was betrayed by Brutus
Who'd think an accountant Would turn out to be my Judas
I'm so dismayed
Is this how I'm repaid?
To be
Betrayed
Gentlemen of the jury, have you reached your verdict?
Yes, Your Honour, we have.
We find the defendant...
...incredibly guilty.
Hold me, touch me.
I'm a little busy.
Does the defendant have anything to say on his own behalf?
Yes, Your Honour, I do.
I admit, for the last 20 years I've been a lying, double- crossing...
...two-faced, backstabbing, despicable crook.
But I had no choice.
I was a Broadway producer.
A man without a conscience...
...and with no one who gave a damn about him.
And that, Your Honour, is what hurts the most.
I thought I'd at last found a loyal partner.
A man I cared about...
...and who I thought cared about me.
What breaks my heart is now...
...when I need him most, he's deserted me.
I will probably never see or hear from him ever again.
That's not true!
Order! Order in the court!
And stop that samba!
- Who are you? - I am Leopold Bloom...
...Max Bialystock's partner.
And who are you, my dear?
My name is Ulla Inga Hansen Benson...
...Yonsen Tallen- Hallen Svaden Svanson Bloom.
Bloom?
- You're his wife? - Ja, Your Honour.
He wouldn't do it unless we got married.
What a schmuck.
Now, Mr. Bloom, why in the world would you...
...want to come back here and give yourself up?
Why? To speak on his behalf.
We all know that Max Bialystock is a lying, double- crossing...
...two-faced, slimy, manipulative, underhanded...
Please...
...don't help me.
Your Honour... Your honour, if I may address the court.
The law was created to protect people from being wronged.
So whom has Max Bialystock wronged?
- Well, not these dear ladies. - No.
And not me, not...
Not me.
I was this nobody.
No one ever called me "Leo" before.
I mean, Your Honour, I know it isn't a big legal point...
...but even when I was in kindergarten everybody always called me "Bloom."
I guess what I'm trying to say is that even when I was in Rio...
...and had everything I'd ever dreamed of...
...I suddenly realized that...
That this man...
This man...
No one ever made me Feel like someone
Till him
Life was really nothing But a glum one
Till him
My existence bordered on the tragic
Always timid Never took a chance
Then I felt his magic
And my heart began to dance
I was always frightened Fraught with worry
Till him
I was going nowhere in a hurry
Till him
He filled up my empty life
Filled it to the brim
There could never Ever be another one
Like him
Leo...
...I never realized.
- You're a good singer. - Thank you.
- No, really, like a professional. - Well, I sang it for you, Max.
I sang it because I'm your friend.
You are?
I've had a lot of relationships...
...but you couldn't call any of them "friend."
But come to think of it...
...no one ever, ever really knew me.
Till him
Everyone was always out To screw me
Till him
Never met a man I ever trusted
Always dealt with shysters In the past
Now I'm well-adjusted
'Cause I've got a friend at last
Don't help me.
Always playing singles Never doubles
Till him
Never had a pal To share my troubles
Till him
He filled up my empty life
- Filled it to the brim - Filled it to the brim
There could never ever be
Another one
Like him
Gentlemen, it breaks my heart...
...to break up such a beautiful friendship.
So I won't.
Five years in the state penitentiary at Sing Sing.
Gotta sing, sing
Oh, you can lock us up
Und lose the k ey
But hearts in love
Are always free
Come on, boys.
Prisoners of love
Blue skies above
'Cause we're still prisoners of love
Congratulations.
You now own 45 percent...
...of Prisoners of Love. Next!
- How much have you sold so far? - Six hundred percent.
Is that all? Keep selling. Keep selling.
All right, break it up! Break it up! Quiet! Give me that.
How many times do I have to tell you guys?
No knife fights in rehearsal.
Hi. What are you in for, lack of rhythm?
Get in line. Everybody get in line, right away!
All right, you animals, let's take it all together!
From the top! Hit it, Franz!
Prisoners of love
Blue skies above
- Can't k eep our hearts in jail - Tempo, fellas! Pick up that tempo!
- Prisoners of love - That's it.
- Our turtledoves - Okay, just the murderers!
Hey, you.
The warden wants to get in on this thing.
Tell the warden he now owns 100 percent of Prisoners of Love.
- Thank you. - Sing out, criminals.
Let them hear you in solitary.
Take it home, boys.
We open in Leavenworth on Saturday night!
Hey, Bialystock, Bloom, Liebkind, good news!
This just came from the governor.
"Gentlemen, you are hereby granted a full pardon...
...for having, through song and dance, brought joy and laughter...
...into the hearts of every murderer, rapist and sex maniac in Sing Sing."
- You're free! - Free?
Next stop, Prisoners of Love on Broadway!
- Broadway! - Adolf, you must tell the other birds.
But hearts in love Are always free
Gotta sing, sing
Sing, sing
Prisoners of love Blue skies above
- Can't k eep our hearts in jail - Can't k eep our hearts in jail
Prisoners of love
- Our turtledoves - Soon coming 'round with bail
- Tote that bale - Oh, you can lock us up
And lose the k ey
But hearts in love Are always free
Prisoners of love
Blue skies above
'Cause we're still prisoners
We're still prisoners
We're still prisoners of love
- Love, love, love - Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
Love
Leo and Max
Up off our backs
Back on the Great White Way
Leo and Max
Back on our tracks
We're back on top to stay
So when we take your money Never fear
We'll knock Broadway Right on its ear
The cast is great The script is swell
But this we're telling you, sirs
It's just no go You've got no show
Without the producers
We'll never quit
Hit after hit
The producers Leo and Max
The overture is over
The curtain starts to rise
You're suddenly in clover
You can't believe your eyes
You're sitting on the aisle
You break into a smile
Why this magic feeling?
And then you realize
That there is
Nothing like a show on Broadway
Nothing like a Broadway show
Hearts will skip a beat on Broadway
If you're feeling blue I'm telling you
That's the place to go
Movies drag Their endings sag
TV's just a bore
So hit the street And move your feet
To the place we all adore
Because there's nothing Like a show on Broadway
There's nothing Like a Broadway show
It's often been said The theatre is dead
The critics repeat it en masse
But the theatre's alive It's gonna survive
Although it's a pain in the ass
You waited forever And finally got tick ets
To get to your seat You gotta cross pick ets
The guy to your right Is frightfully tight
The guy to your left Appears to have rick ets
The music's yuck The lyrics suck
The casting is all wrong
And when you reach the bathroom
The line is five miles long
But still there's nothing Like a show on Broadway
There's nothing Like a Broadway show
You swear you'll never go again
It's simply not worthwhile
You make that vow And then somehow
- You're back there on the aisle - You're back there on the aisle
That's why there's
Nothing like a show On Broadway
There's nothing Like a Broadway show
Till you're in movies
There's nothing Like a Broadway show
And though it is expensive At a hundred bucks a throw
There's nothing
Like a Broadway show!
Don't forget to buy Mein Kampf...
...in paperback.
Available near you...
...at Borders books...
...or Barnes & Noble...
...und amazon. Com.
Thanks for coming To see our show
Sad to tell you We got to go
Grab your hat And head for the door
In case you didn't notice
There ain't any more
If you like our show Tell everyone but
If you think it stinks Keep your big mouth shut
We're glad you came but We have to shout
- Adíos - Au rev oir
- Wiedersehen - Ta-ta-ta
- Goodbye - Get lost
Get out
It's over.